A black and brown dog lounging in the sun on a mat.

Separation Anxiety in Dogs and Why Progress Isn’t Linear

Posted on March 23, 2026May 26, 2026 by Ellen Yoakum (she/her)

Separation Anxiety in Dogs and Why Progress Isn’t Linear

Estimated reading time: 9 min

Helping a dog with Separation Anxiety is hard. Being a dog with Separation Anxiety is hard. Separation Anxiety is just hard.

It is stressful, it is heavy, it comes with a high caregiver burden, and I’m seeing it impact my client’s own health outcomes. The tax of supporting a pup with separation anxiety is high. And while each situation and family is unique, there are some unifying experiences for my clients. For me, as a specialist in Separation Anxiety, an important part of supporting families is normalizing those unifying experiences and acknowledging the harm they are experiencing when they get to me.

When Being Alone Is Hard

Most families dealing with Separation Anxiety feel trapped and isolated while they try to eliminate or minimize their dog being home alone. I see families who reduce or nearly eliminate their connection with others to support their pet. In 2023, the US Surgeon General declared the US is in a loneliness epidemic. Loneliness and isolation are incredibly dangerous for humans, and are often a common outcome for families with dogs struggling with Separation Anxiety.

There is often a high financial burden to support a dog with Separation Anxiety. Coordinating and receiving consistent support from Veterinary Behaviorists, Behavior Consultants, daycare, and pet sitters adds up. Medication protocols can be expensive. Repairing or replacing damaged items or structures from a dog struggling home alone can snowball.

Many families experience immense overwhelm and cognitive drain. Coordinating round-the-clock care, timing medication protocols, creating so much consistency, predictability, and scheduling around life is exhausting. It’s common for me to see that clients stop trying to do the things that fill their cup because it comes with so much prep work, they just don’t have it in them.

And many of the pet parents I work with feel immeasurable guilt about their complicated feelings about their situation. It is hard to love your pet and resent not being able to go on vacation. It’s hard to build secure connection, when all you, as the person, need is some space. It’s hard to invest so much in helping your pet, and still not see the finish line at the end.

The impact of Separation Anxiety on both dogs and people is almost beyond words. When a family trusts me to help them, I take that responsibility extremely seriously, because this isn’t only about the pet’s quality of life; it is also about the person.

I know I started this blog with a lot of doom and gloom, but it feels gross to talk about everything we can do without acknowledging the massive cloud of sorrow. So, let’s get into what separation anxiety is, how I and the rest of the Pet Harmony team approach working with families on it, and what you can expect on the journey.

What Is Separation Anxiety?

First, we need to establish what Separation Anxiety is. Separation Anxiety refers to a diagnosis typically provided when a pet experiences anxiety when away from their person and/or home alone.

And I’m gonna split a few hairs here. Because I am not a veterinary professional, I cannot diagnose, and the scope of what I work with includes so many more challenges, I prefer to use Separation Related Problem Behaviors (SRPB). My views have been largely shaped by this 2020 paper.

Under the umbrella of SRPBs, we cover a much broader spectrum of behavioral challenges, underlying emotions, and a wider array of conditions.

If we were to break it down, we’re looking at:

Separation-Related: Behaviors relating to, or occurring under conditions of separation, isolation, and confinement
Problem: Things that are either undesirable to the human and/or indicate an impact to welfare and well-being of the pet
Behaviors: Observable actions indicative of the two above conditions

So, while a dog that has a jolly ol’ time shredding the couch while their person is gone wouldn’t fall under “Separation Anxiety”, they sure would fall under Separation-Related Problem Behaviors.

A dog who demonstrates no anxiety or fear, but large frustration about being behind a barrier, may not fall under “Separation Anxiety,” but would fall under SRPB.

While the behaviors we see when a pup is home alone can give us insight into their experience, there are some common things amongst these pups:

Destruction of exit points or around exit points (doors, doorframes, walls near doors…)
Destruction of large objects or home structures (other walls, couches, furniture…)
Vocalizations ranging from whimpers to barking/howling
Restlessness, agitation, pacing
Inappropriate eliminations (pooping or peeing inside)
Destruction of small/medium-sized objects (pillows, backpacks, shoes, books…)
Barking at things outside (auditory or visual)
Sound sensitivity or noise phobia

Do Dogs Grow Out of Separation Anxiety?

I love a question that looks simple, and has so, so, so many layers. In general, the answer is no.

For most dogs who struggle with SRPBs, without intentional, directed efforts, you aren’t going to see things improve; in fact, you may see them get worse.

Being home alone, with subpar coping skills, doesn’t teach us coping skills; it teaches us that being home alone without good coping skills is the worst. Improvement and learning need to happen outside of the situations where we need it first. Once we can demonstrate skill in easier situations, we add additional challenge.

If you were to take a second grader, plop them down in a college lecture hall with advanced calculus, no amount of sitting and staring at the page is going to teach them calculus.

If, instead, we teach math level by level through advanced calculus, we may see that the same (now adult) person can do advanced calculus in a college lecture hall, a local coffee shop, on a train, on a plane, and more.

Our Approach to Separation Anxiety

There are a few things that are absolutely critical when we’re working with families and pets experiencing SRPBs. (I mean, these are true for any issues, really…)

First, our primary goal is that we aren’t sacrificing welfare or well-being for anyone in the family unit. This means when families come to us, we may spend a couple session just finding a way to make living with this more sustainable.

I have too many incredible families that are losing themselves to support their pet, and it doesn’t have to be that way. I tell my clients, I never want you to be in a situation where you’re asking, “Do I go get medical care, or stay home to prevent my dog from being home alone?” Because I’ve seen it too often.

So, we may discuss game plans for unmanaged absences. We may do some searching for viable pet sitters, daycares, or alternative care options with the family. And we get started on building skills to help the pet complete their stress response cycle, cope with stress, and recover quickly and seamlessly.

We put skills in place so that hard isn’t the end of the world. Hard doesn’t need to be catastrophic. We can do hard things. We just need the skills, on both ends of the leash, to navigate challenges.

Once we know how to handle a curve ball, we know how to help the pet process stress, and we’ve seen that the pet is more comfortable with everyday life, then we may start working on getting the person out and about on the town.

Where I see most plans fail is jumping too quickly into trying to teach the dog to be home alone, instead of building life skills to build resilience. If the plan only works when you’re “perfect”, it’s a bad plan.

Helping pets with SRPBs is the long game.

Why Separation Anxiety Progress Isn’t Linear

I don’t know if I can think of anything where progress is truly linear, and yet, we often expect it to be. When we’re working on teaching a pet to be home alone, our goal should be to raise the baseline expectation, not to chase personal records (PRs). Not every day can be a PR.

For most families, the thing that crushes them is the inconsistency. One day, the dog can do 90 minutes, then the next, they may be a wreck. So, if instead of chasing the next highest time, we can stabilize and say, “He may be able to 90-minutes, but he’s for sure done 60-minutes 30 times.” It gives the family a way to predict outcomes.

So, what leads to that inconsistency? Often, it isn’t inconsistent; we just haven’t been tracking the right variables.

Things like trigger stacking from stimuli that are just life for us, but a thousand papercuts for them, can be the difference between resting in their bed and struggling. When we see that inconsistency, that’s a cue to get curious and explore what we haven’t learned yet.

I’ve worked with dogs where being uncomfortable home alone is the earliest sign of a medical flare.

I’ve worked with dogs where they couldn’t be home alone one day a week because the garbage man was terrifying.

I’ve worked with dogs where they’d have monthly regressions, and it turns out, they were having reactions to one of their monthly medications.

I’ve worked with dogs where they’d be great in the off-season, but storm season required a different plan.

Some days are going to be hard. That’s just life. And that’s why we put such an emphasis on resilience and stress recovery skills. Pet parents can make themselves sick trying to predict every hard day, and your life with your pet is more than a spreadsheet and a tracker.

What Progress Really Looks Like

Instead of chasing personal records, let’s look for those small wins along the way. Because a PR followed by a crash, really, is no way to live.

When we’re working with families, we’re looking for:

Faster recovery after stress
Empowered clients who say, “I got this” after a hard day
Increased flexibility around routine changes
Longer periods of comfy home alone
Sustainable practice plans
Pups who meet their own needs, like finding sun spots while their person is in the basement
Management plans that don’t drain the human

The little wins along the way may seem like a big deal, but you’d be surprised by the big quality of life increases that come with small wins:

The first time a client goes to get the mail, comes back, and realizes they haven’t done that without a meltdown in years.

Or the first time a client comes to a session and their pet is sleeping soundly in the other room.

Or the first time a client can just go get a prescription.

Or the first time a client watches their pet de-escalate while home alone.

Or the first time I get that recording of a dog breathing deeply on the couch while their person is at the gym.

Those little moments in life make a huge difference in quality of life.

Progress Over Perfection

Part of what we do with clients is help with the setbacks, because we can’t guarantee much, but we can guarantee there will be ebbs and flows. Setbacks can feel terrible, but they are normal. They don’t erase the progress you’ve made, and they give us an opportunity to practice those recovery skills.

Remember when I said part of the progress is empowered clients? Most of my clients need the opportunity to prove to themselves that they can help their pet get back on track after a surprise challenge.

No, setbacks aren’t fun, but they sure are a part of life.

Helping dogs with Separation Anxiety or SRPBs takes time. It just does. It is a lot of skills wrapped up into one big label, and skills take time to learn, practice, and master. But just because it can be the long game, doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to speed it up, and my biggest recommendation is to get someone on your team that can give you a tailored plan. One that accounts for your welfare and well-being, gives you an outline of what to expect, and can connect you with the people who will make this journey a little less lonely.

Here’s to harmony,

Ellen

Now What?

Living with a dog with separation anxiety is hard. Full stop. I could end this section here. I’ve talked about my own experience with this here, and here, and here.

Having a team to help you isn’t a flaw, it isn’t a failure, and you aren’t supposed to do everything alone. If your plan isn’t accounting for your welfare and well-being, I’m worried for you. It doesn’t have to be that way. I know it feels heavy, and like it is all on your shoulders, and asking for help is hard. But you’d be amazed at what a couple of people in your corner can do.

If your household is struggling with Separation Anxiety or SRPBs and are looking for help, we’re here for you.

Terms & Conditions, Privacy Policy

Results are not guaranteed because behavior, human, canine, or otherwise, are not guaranteeable.

January 2021 Training Challenge: Video Your Pet Home Alone

Posted on January 7, 2021July 3, 2024 by Allie Bender

We are full swing into our free Separation Anxiety Workshop this week! In honor of that workshop and our Separation Anxiety Immersive Digital Course which starts this upcoming Sunday 1/10/21, I wanted to do a separation anxiety-related training challenge this month. Here it is:

Video your pet home alone

Here are a few screenshots from one of our consultants, Ellen, doing this activity:

Why everyone should do this

In Ellen’s blog post about her dog’s separation anxiety journey last month (check it out here if you haven’t read it yet), she mentioned that scientists are starting to think that more pets have separation-related issues than we previously thought– up to 22.3% – 55% of the dog population. That’s a whole lot of dogs! Even if you think your pet is fine being left alone, let’s double check just to make sure.

For those of you who do have a pet who you think may be displaying separation-related issues, this is definitely something you’ll want to do. The first thing we ask potential separation anxiety clients to do is send us a video of their pet home alone. With other behavior issues we’re able to ask questions about what the person sees their pet doing and we can determine what’s going on that way without needing to see the behavior (more info here). However, with separation-related issues the person can’t know what their pet is doing without a video. There can be other explanations for certain behaviors aside from separation-related distress, so a video is incredibly helpful in this situation.

Note: if it’s pretty obvious your pet is distressed being left home alone, work with a consultant before doing this. There’s no need to cause unnecessary stress and a professional can give you more specifics on the set-up than what’s feasible in a blog post.

How to do it

There are a lot of ways to get a video of your pet home alone. Here are a few of our favorites (Disclosure: Affiliate links ahead. We receive a small commission for purchases made through these links at no extra cost to you. This helps us continue to put out free content to help you and your pets live more harmoniously!):

Zoom yourself. Set up a zoom meeting between two accounts (both of which can be owned by you!). One camera stays in the house (laptops work great here) and the other goes with you (i.e. phone or tablet). I love this option because you get real-time streaming + recording function that you can send to your behavior consultant.
Ring or Nest systems. A lot of folks already have home security systems set up in their house that can be accessed in real-time and can save recordings. If you already have something like this, use it!
Furbo cameras. Furbos are designed specifically for knowing what your dog is up to while you’re gone. A super cool feature is their event-triggered recording option (available through an optional subscription with the device) so you can better learn what triggers a reactive dog throughout the day.

What you’re looking for

Long-time readers of this blog won’t be surprised at the first answer: body language. We’re looking for stress signals before and after leaving. Everyone– pets included– shows stress a little differently so the specific signals will be dependent on the individual. Common signals include vocalizing, pacing, drooling, and destruction. However, shutting down is a not uncommon signal that can also be difficult to distinguish from true rest and relaxation.

We’re also looking for how long it takes them to calm down if we do see stress signals. Some pets’ anxiety is more centered around the actual departure than being alone for a long time. A video makes all of that clearer. Again, if it’s pretty obvious that your pet is distressed being left alone I recommend working with a consultant first so they can give you more specifics on the video set-up.

Now what?

Figure out the technology you’d like to use to get a video of your pet home alone.
Record your video. Since it’s hard to go places at the moment, a quick walk around the block can be a good start.
Watch your video. What body language signals do you see? What activities do you see them performing?
If you’re seeing signs of stress, we recommend starting on that behavior modification journey now before it becomes a real problem when we’re back to leaving our pets for longer. Our Separation Anxiety Immersive Digital Course or a private session are both great options. We recommend Ellen for separation-related problems– she’s finishing up a program to be a certified separation anxiety consultant! Email us at info@petharmonytraining.com to get started with either option.

Happy training!

Allie

5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Starting A Separation Related Problem Journey

Posted on December 16, 2020May 20, 2023 by Ellen Yoakum (she/her)

When I realized my pup, Griffey, was showing signs of a Separation Related Problem, I felt crushed. This was not what I agreed too. I agreed to give him the best life I could, to help him be successful, but THIS was not one of the things I considered before adoption.

I was committed to him, and helping him on this journey, but being tied to him felt isolating and suffocating.

I “just” wanted to go to the bathroom in peace.

I “just” wanted to go out to dinner with my friends.

I “just” wanted a “normal” dog.

As I look back on our journey (and a successful one at that!), these are the things I wish I knew when I started.

You feel alone, but you are far from alone.

Griffey needed me. I expected him to need me. I mean, I am the one with opposable thumbs and the money to buy food. Of course, he was going to need me! But I was not ready to be NEEDED. All. The. Time.

Knowing that he was miserable (and by miserable I mean: crying, scratching at the exit, barking, whale eye, frantic pacing) when I even tried to close the door to go to the bathroom broke my heart. I hated that he was so stressed, and I felt powerless to help him.

My partner and I immediately ceased all non-essential departures, and it felt isolating. We chose to take turns leaving the house for errands, so we could minimize his time alone. I had so many friends with “normal” (what is “normal” anyway?!) dogs. I received all sorts of well meaning, but also hurtful advice. They just did not “get it”.

Griffey was an anomaly, right? Turns out, research is finding Separation Related Problems in 22.3%-55% of the general dog population.

You are so far from alone. Which means, other people out there do “get it”, and can help support you on those days that feel so isolating. The amount of incredibly smart and creative management strategies, the celebrations of small successes, the vulnerability and relatability within the community can be invaluable.

Remember to see your whole dog.

We started seeing Griffey’s behaviors nearly as soon as we got him home. It was extremely easy to tunnel vision on separation being the goal and the area we needed to work on. We took to contacting colleagues, buying books, searching the internet. I was going to research this to death. We were going to build a plan for separation training. Hello, coping strategy!

Yes, we did need to find an appropriate protocol and plan for training. Yes, getting expert feedback was necessary. But Griffey’s behavior when we left was only a small part of him, even if it felt like a big part to us. He had other needs that also needed to be met. He just joined our family, we needed to build healthy relationships between us and our resident dog, Laika. He had to learn what living in our house was like, what noises he would encounter regularly, what our routine entailed, and how he could communicate with us. We had to learn what his physical and mental needs were so we could meet them.

Yes, we will need to train for separation, but remember the rest of your pup. Making sure their needs are fully met will help facilitate your training immeasurably.

Suspending absences will really make a world of difference.

This was the hardest part for me. How are we supposed to make sure he is never alone? We both work full time. He is uncomfortable around strangers, so pet sitters and dog walkers were not going to work. He is uncomfortable around other dogs, so we could not do dog daycare. We lived across the country from our families. We had some wonderful friends who took the time to build relationships with him and they helped us out from time to time. We adjusted our weekends.

While living in Florida, we were not able to fully suspend absences, and we made some progress, but were slogging along.

Fortunately, we ended up moving back to the Pacific Northwest, and my partner was able to stay home for a few months and work on the separation training. And HOLY SMOKES! We were not taking 2 steps back for every 1 step forward. We were able to commit to manage absences to a much greater degree and we saw tremendous progress.

Finding ways to manage absences is completely worth it. It may take some creativity, asking for help, and a village, but it will make a difference.

Track your progress.

We had our initial goal: 4-5 hours. We had our plan and protocol in place. It is great to have a goal but focusing on progress will keep you in the game.

Find a way that you enjoy tracking your progress. It can be a habit tracker and each successful step gets a box filled in with green. It can be a jar that you drop a coin in for each successful step. It can be a white board or clipboard where you can cross off each successful step. Watching your tracker or jar fill up will show you how much success you are having.

Frequent, visible wins are important. It is hard to feel like you are making progress when you just focus on how much farther you have to go, instead of how far you have come.

Getting started was harder than going through.

To say I was resistant would be an understatement. I looked at what I needed to change, and it felt overwhelming. Managing absences felt impossible with all his other big feelings. Which do I prioritize? I needed to take a minute to be honest with myself as to why I was so resistant. What if it did not work, what if I failed him? If I do not start, then I cannot fail. I needed to reframe my goals: helping him be more comfortable and embarking on a LEARNING journey for both of us. I was not in this to “fix it”, I was in this to grow.

Figuring out the management of departures, finding a system that was sustainable for the entire family felt like too much. Having a professional help you get started can take so much of that burden away. Once you start, it is one day at a time. One day at a time is doable. So, start, and go one day at a time.

Now what?

Do you suspect your pup has a Separation Related Problem? What leads you to think so? What behaviors do you see surrounding your departures, or separation?
Check in with yourself. How are you feeling? Does any of my story sound familiar? Can you identify why you feel that way? Your training plan can include things that are important to you. If you need an hour to go to the beach alone, can a family member watch the dog? Can a pet sitter or a neighbor? Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Your needs are important too!
Discuss with your family (or yourself!) if you are ready to embark on this journey. If you are not sure, Allie recently discussed this in our blog. If “you have tried a program before, but….” Allie also has you covered.
If you are ready to embark on this journey, but going alone feels overwhelming, email us at info@petharmonytraining.com to set up a consultation so we can help you work on it.

– Ellen

Tag: separation anxiety