Learning when and how to ask for help is hard. It’s not a skill that comes naturally to most people. And in an emotionally charged context like animal welfare, it can be even harder. This is especially true when dealing with intense behaviors like sound phobias around fireworks or when you’re in a busy season where you’re overwhelmed with travel plans, kids on summer break, and lots of summer activities. But whether you’re a pet parent doing everything you can or a pro trying to help your clients, there will always come a time to say, “I need help.”

Several years ago, one of my mentees said that he couldn’t wait until he knew as much as I did, because then he wouldn’t need to refer clients to other people anymore. I was quick to reply with a crucial reframe: the goal is not to get to a place where you never need to refer out anymore.

In fact, the goal is quite the opposite: a sign of expertise, wisdom, and professionalism is knowing when you need help, and asking for that help in the right place. No one can ever know everything, have every solution to every problem, and be all things to all people. Recognizing limits – your own or someone else’s – is a strength, not a weakness.

For Pet Parents: Knowing When You’ve Hit the Limit of DIY Help

Taking a proactive role in helping your pet by doing your own research and trying to solve problems on your own is admirable. I love to see when people are deeply committed to providing their beloved pets with the best possible care and support! By all means, please continue doing that. 

And also, no one can be their own behavior consultant 100% of the time. Not even behavior professionals. So don’t expect that of yourself, either. 

Here are some signs that it might be time to bring in a pro to get help for your dog behavior problems–or whatever species of pet you have:

You’re doing all the right things but nothing’s working.

First of all, that might very well be true! It’s totally possible that the things you’re doing are absolutely the right things to do in your pet’s situation. And also, the devil’s in the details. I can’t count how many times clients have told me that they’re doing the thing I asked them to do and it’s not working, and when I watched them do the thing I noticed a detail they missed. And when they change that detail, they change everything. A behavior professional can help you to identify when you need to tweak what you’re already doing to make it work better for you

You feel like you’ve tried everything.

There’s this gnarly little group of logical fallacies that we humans are prone to called the autoepistemic logical fallacies. “Autoepistemic” is just a fancy word for “our own knowledge.” Essentially, these fallacies trick us into believing that we know everything there is to know about a certain topic, and that belief can express itself in several different ways. “I’ve tried everything,” is one of those ways. If you think you’ve tried everything, that means you’ve tried everything that you know of. When dog training isn’t working for you, one of the most important reasons to work with a behavior consultant is because they’re going to know things you have never thought of. After all, that’s what a behavior professional is for.

You feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure where to go next.

Dealing with a dog’s behavior issue can turn even the most emotionally stable superhuman into an overwhelmed pet parent. And that’s obviously true for other pet species as well. The animal behavior professions are unregulated fields, which means they are rife with misinformation and even disinformation, as well as a whole lot of people who have learned the right information in theory but haven’t yet learned how to adeptly apply that information in practice.

On top of that, a lot of pet parents are inundated by the opinions of their family, friends, and neighbors. The end result is that a lot of pet parents can end up feeling paralyzed by the cacophony of voices giving them conflicting information with a heaping side of shame. If that describes your situation, first of all, unsolicited advice is not ok, and you can learn how to set boundaries with people who are doing that to you. Secondly, a knowledgeable and experienced behavior professional can help you cut through the noise and help you to identify realistic goals and map out a path to reach those goals.

Behavior is escalating or safety is a concern.

If your pet’s behavior is getting worse or anyone’s safety is compromised, it’s time to hire a behavior professional. I know that can be scary, especially if you’ve been burned before. So in the interest of helping you take the leap, here’s a blog about how to identify what type of behavior professional is right for you and your situation, and here’s an article about how to look for a qualified consultant who can help you and your pet. Also, we don’t just blog and podcast about this, we’ve got a whole team of behavior consultants! Get in touch if you think it’s time to add a behavior professional to your team. 

When Your Trainer or Consultant Refers Out—What It Means

Ok, so you hired a behavior professional and thought you had found a solution to your problem, but now that behavior professional wants to refer you to someone else or add someone else to your support team. What the heck??

Don’t worry; this doesn’t mean you hired a dud. In fact, that’s a really good sign that you hired a competent, effective, experienced behavior professional. Why? Because good behavior professionals don’t pretend they know everything and try to be all things to all people. They recognize their own limits, know how to build and manage a collaborative support team, and are advocating for you and your pet. If your doctor referred you to a rheumatologist, a physical therapist, and a dietician, you wouldn’t think that they might secretly be a hack, right? You’d be grateful that they are connecting you with the healthcare professionals who can meet your needs. The same is true with behavior issues!

Here are some reasons that your behavior professional might refer you to other professionals:

They’ve identified signs of pain or other medical issues.

Mental and physical health issues can sometimes be hard to identify, and it takes a professional to see some of the more subtle signs. If your behavior professional refers you to get some kind of veterinary care, they’re not implying that you aren’t taking good care of your pet. They’re simply using their training to see things that the average person hasn’t been trained to see.

They’ve identified that some aspect of your pet’s behavior issues lie outside the scope of their expertise.

Behavior is really complex, and sometimes a behavior issue can look like one thing at first, but once you get in and learn more about the animal and the issue, you realize that it’s actually something else. Behavior professionals frequently agree to work with a client because at first blush the behavior looks like something in their wheelhouse, but after working with the client and the pet they realize it’s something that they should refer to someone with a different area of expertise.

They’ve identified that you and your pet need more hands on deck to provide additional logistical support.

Oftentimes a client and their pet will need additional support in the way of exercise, enrichment, pet sitting, nutritional support, or some other parallel profession that behavior professionals aren’t set up to offer. It’s best to let them recommend someone who can offer you that support in a collaborative way so that you reach your goals more efficiently and sustainably than if you tried to do it on your own.

They’ve identified that you and your pet would flourish using a service that they don’t offer.

Even when a behavior is well within a behavior professional’s wheelhouse, that doesn’t necessarily mean they offer a service that would work best for you and your pet. When I worked with clients directly, I frequently referred clients to friend-colleagues who offered board and train services, group classes, or day training, because those were services I didn’t offer. Instead of trying to force a client to work within my services so I could continue to make more money off of them, I would refer them to someone whose service better aligned with their needs, schedule, and preferences.

They’ve identified that they are not the best person to give you the support you need.

Remember when I said that no one should try to be all things to all people? Have I ever had to learn that the hard way! Due to my chronic illnesses, there were several times when I wasn’t physically capable of meeting with my clients within a reasonable time frame. So I partnered up with friend-colleagues who had similar skill sets and similar services so they could collaboratively work with me and my clients when I was unable to work with my clients directly. 

There are also going to be times when you and a behavior professional just don’t get along. Your personalities rub each other the wrong way, your communication styles don’t mesh, your schedules are polar opposite of each other, etc. A behavior professional who is willing to set aside their ego and refer you to someone whom you’ll be more likely to click with is someone you want in your corner, even if you don’t particularly like them, because they are still advocating for you even when you’re not the right client for them.

Regardless of the reason, it may be tempting to feel deflated, like you’re having to start over. But remember, you’re not starting over. You and your behavior professional have learned a lot, and this is just the next step forward by building a stronger support team for you and your pet.

For Pet Pros: Knowing When You Need to Refer or Call in Help

If you read the above sections for pet parents instead of skipping to this section, hopefully you will have heard and internalized what I’ve said. Referrals aren’t incompetence; they are the opposite.

At its heart, behavior consulting is a project management profession. Our job is to assess what our clients need to succeed, be willing to build as large of a support team as they need to make that happen, and make sure everyone on the team is on the same page and are all working towards the same goal. The moment we try to be the star of the show is the moment we should quit the profession and go do something else. It’s not about us. It’s about our clients and their pets.

So let’s talk about ethical pet professional boundaries and pet trainer referral ethics, and signs that it’s time for you to refer out or add someone to your client’s support team:

• If you have been taught a prescriptive approach to a behavior issue (e.g. for reactivity I use this protocol, for resource guarding I use this protocol, for separation anxiety I use this protocol, etc.) and that protocol isn’t working, it’s time to refer out. 
  • If you want to learn more about how to work on cases more descriptively, you can ask the person you’re referring to if you can sit in on the case to learn how they are handling it, or you can join PETPro so we can teach you how we approach behavior cases descriptively through an enrichment framework.
• If you’ve run out of ideas and now you feel like you’re spinning your wheels or just throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks, it’s time to refer out or, again, seek mentorship.
• If you don’t feel qualified or comfortable with any aspect of your client’s case, refer them to someone who has expertise in the areas you lack.
• If you’ve identified that the client would thrive with a different teaching style, a different personality, a different type of service, or a parallel service, refer them to someone who fits the bill.
• If you’re losing unconditional positive regard for the client or their pet, refer out.
• If you’re going through some life stuff that is preventing you from showing up for your client in the way that they need and deserve, and you realize that you’re becoming an overwhelmed animal trainer, refer out.

Remember that referring out doesn’t always mean handing off the client and never seeing them again. Sometimes it means building a support team where you’re still working with your client in one capacity and others are working with them in other capacities. When I offer case support for the folx in PETPro, we very rarely suggest that they just hand the client off to us; more often than not, we just help them build the plan for their client, and then they still work with the client to implement the plan. 

But yeah, there are sometimes where we really do need to send the client to someone else and part ways with them. And I know how hard that can be. In situations like this, we can be susceptible to a logical fallacy called the “sunk cost fallacy,” which you can think of as “in for a penny, in for a pound.” If we’ve already invested so much time and energy into a client, our impulse is to just keep throwing more time and energy at the situation in the hope that we’ll eventually get that sweet, sweet success that we crave. But that’s not fair to our clients or to ourselves, and it’s a major contributing factor to behavior consultant burnout. Let them go, learn from the experience, and move on.

Working Together: The Power of a Collaborative Behavior Team

We humans are a communal species. We do better when we work together collaboratively. That’s not any less true when it comes to animal behavior than anything else. Whether you’re a pet parent or a pet professional, you shouldn’t have to do this alone.

Looking at behavior through an enrichment lens means reducing harm and improving welfare and well-being for everyone involved–that includes the humans. Your needs matter too!

To give you an idea of the kinds of collaboration we often do here at Pet Harmony, here’s a list of professionals that we frequently collaborate with:

• Behavior professionals who offer services we don’t, like board and train, group classes, day training, and dog sports
• Veterinarians
• Veterinary behaviorists
• Pain and movement specialists
• Veterinary physical therapists
• Veterinary nutritionists
• Enrichment-informed pet sitters, dog walkers, and dog daycares
• Veterinary social workers and trauma-informed coaches
• And, of course, each other! We frequently discuss our cases with each other and ask each other for help with our own pets’ behavior issues.

By cultivating collaborative behavior support systems for our clients and practicing team-based dog training, we are far more effective than if we tried to pretend that each of us were the end all be all of animal behavior consulting. Everyone has limits: being prepared and professional means knowing yours, staying in your lane, and referring out when something isn’t in your lane.