No, the Blanket Won’t Fix it: Getting Your Spicy Dog Ready for Baby

Estimated reading time: 8 mins

Am I wrong in assuming that you are here because you have a baby on the way? Or are planning for that possible event? And that you currently share your life with a spicy nugget of a dog?

Does the thought of bringing home a tiny human and introducing them to a spicy nugget make you worried, uncomfortable, or fill you with all of the scaries? If any of these things sound like you with a capital Y then you have landed in the right place and I am happy you are here.

One of my areas of expertise is to help folks just like you. You know who else has expertise in this area? Well, if online content is any indicator, anyone, everyone, and everything. Afterall, if it exists on the internet, it must be true.

Spoilers: The internet might sound like an authority because information on the internet and especially social media is designed to rope you in and then have you linger. It’s how the internet’s bread gets buttered.

The problem is that the internet does not know YOU, YOUR dog or YOUR household. The internet makes gross assumptions about a lot of things including dog training advice. The information you receive is aimed at the most common denominator which might be ok some of the time but your instincts are right. When it comes to tiny humans, spicy dogs and parents who love both fiercely, it is not helpful at all.

You were right to go looking for help but you deserve more than staged advice that might not be adequate and could even be downright unsafe. I’ll say it again louder: Tiny humans + spicy dogs ≠ harmonious households without carefully considered, individualized and tailored support.

This blog post is designed to provide some information on a couple more prevalent myths and to let you know what a behavior consultant can actually do to help you prepare. You deserve someone on your support team who cares about you, your dog and your household. Afterall, just like the relationship you have with your pet’s vet to make sure their physical needs are met, having a behavior consultant on your pet’s behavioral health team is a way to ensure ongoing support when you might be at your most vulnerable, drained and sleep deprived.

#1 Myth Busted: Why the Blanket Trick Isn’t a Cure All

I love me a quick win or quick tip that leads to quick success. One of the most prolific tips that exists when it comes to babies and dogs is that you must bring the baby’s blanket home from the hospital and make sure your dog smells it. Ummmm, ok, sure, why not? It isn’t likely to cause harm. The reason I want to bust this myth as a necessity is because, well, it’s not. My problem with it is:

Vulnerable parents or parents to be are given this as an instruction but then…..crickets. There is no support beyond bringing home the baby’s blanket and parents might think that they have done their due diligence. The truth is that bringing home a blanket is not a panacea. Relationships and the beings that live inside of one are so much more complex than a simplistic remedy like letting your dog get to know your baby via a blanket.
You don’t need a blanket to introduce your baby’s scent to your dog. Whoever has spent time in the hospital holding and caring for your baby and then comes home to the dogs in your home is wearing your baby’s scent all over them.
Scent exposure is not the only thing that is important when we are looking at the vast changes that will be taking your family by storm. As your baby grows and starts to reach different developmental stages, there will be big environmental changes and no amount of smelling a blanket will address these changes.
Babies and familial relationships grow and change with time and having a consultant on your team will help you proactively prepare so that you can ease into transitions with less stress and worry.
I have seen, thankfully rarely, new parents who feel intent on their dog/s interacting with the baby’s blanket. They might even feel compelled to make sure that their dog gets enough sniffs to “make it work.” Forcing interactions is never a good idea. In fact, it will probably freak your dog out. So, if you want, bring the blanket home and drape it in an area that your dog will visit. Your dog can choose to interact and sniff if they so desire. Even if you never see them approaching the blanket, scent molecules in the air are reaching their magnificent sniffing snoots. Trust me.

#2 Myth Busted: Your Dog Will Instantly Love Your Baby

I don’t like bursting bubbles or being a killjoy. I really don’t. But I also don’t like making false claims about relationships between dogs and babies/kids. It would be reassuring and soothing no doubt, to say or think that the weeks and months (and honestly years) following a baby joining the family will be one big Kumbaya sing long. Alas, assuming that can be folly for the following reasons:

Your brain is making an assumption because your brain is doing what brains do best: trying to protect you from difficulty and challenges.
Our internal biases can make our assumptions skew overly negative or overly positive and that is helpful to no one.
If we are not careful, we can confuse an assumption with truth which can cloud our judgement which in turn can lead us to make decisions that don’t align with our goals.
Assumptions can even be applied to certain breeds of dogs. You know, something along the lines of “my dog is a Golden Retriever and therefore will love kids because I read that Golden Retrievers make the best family pets.”
Assumptions are, at their core, pretty unfair a lot of time and can set us up for true disappointment. Is it worth risking your families goals and safety over something that was erroneously assumed?

Questions to Help Help You Examine Your Dog’s Needs When Preparing to Bring Home a Baby

So if we know we shouldn’t make assumptions about the relationship our dogs and kids are going to have, what can we do instead? Start by really getting to know your dog. Here are some sample questions to get you started:

What are their preferences?
How do they use their body to communicate?
What sensitivities do they have? Are they fearful of sound, people, sudden environmental change?
Where do they like to rest?
Have they had previous interactions with babies or kids and if so, how did it go?
How does your dog do with visitors in the home?
What does your dog do when you ask them to move?
Do they have a history of guarding items, spaces or people?
What does your dog do when they are separated from you or other caretakers?

While the answers to these questions will vary by dog, family and household, I can not overstate the importance of knowing the answers so that you can proactively teach skills and prepare for the times when these situations will come into play. And this is by no means an exhaustive list. I can think of dozens of other questions to get curious about. Which is another reason having the right behavior consultant on your team is important

Learn More from MaryKaye

What a Behavior Consultant Actually Does to Prepare You (and Your Dog)

Look, a behavior consultant isn’t here to “fix” you or your dog. A skilled consultant’s role is to help you prepare for life as a family. They want to see you succeed and they want to do it in a way that is respectful of your time, energy and bandwidth. With those goals in mind, a qualified consultant will most likely consider the following points during your sessions:

Assessing current triggers, thresholds, and management needs before the added stress of a newborn’s sounds, smells, and schedule changes.
Building/adjusting management tools (baby gates, safe spaces, success stations) before they’re needed under pressure.
Practicing new routines in advance — schedule shifts, changes in walk timing, less one-on-one attention — so the transition isn’t the dog’s first exposure to change.
Teaching skills for both ends of the leash: relaxation protocols, settling on a mat, being comfortable with baby gear (swings, bouncers, stroller) introduced gradually.
Prepping for your baby’s developmental milestones as proactively as possible so that you are well prepared to handle the changes that come with a newly mobile baby or a baby that has learned the joy of dropping or throwing toys or food…over and over and over again.
Prepping the environment to support those developmental milestones so that you don’t need to micromanage all of the dang time. Cause you busy. And tired. And probably overwhelmed.
Meeting your dog’s needs while meeting the needs of your family and yourself in the easiest way possible
Helping you develop a support network. A seasoned behavior professional will know answers to things like: Who can walk my dog when I am busy? Are there any groomers that come to the house? Who do I turn to when I am feeling overwhelmed and anxious about parenting?

In other words a skilled professional will know more and have more resources available to support you and not just your dog.

A Behavior Consultant Is Part of Your Long-Term Care Team, Not a One-Time Fix

I love working with my expectant families or with families who recently welcomed a new baby to the home. It is so much easier to get ahead of a problem when you know what to expect. A huge part of my job is to prepare you for the eventuality of common issues before they arise. I love empowering my clients with knowledge so that they can make sound decisions.

Baby prep isn’t just about today. Believe it not, a lot of it is as much about yesterday and tomorrow. Yesterday because your dog has a learning history that we will want to take into consideration. Tomorrow because as your baby grows, develops and changes, you will want to modify things to safely support and embrace those changes.

Behavior is not static. Setbacks happen. Regressions occur. It isn’t helpful to admonish yourselves when they do because a lot of it very well might be outside of your control. You won’t know that your dog falls apart when the baby that was laying on a blanket a few weeks ago suddenly starts to crawl towards them until it happens. You might not recognize lower levels of fear, stress and anxiety becoming more significant as your 10 month old begins to pull themselves up on the couch your dog has always rested on. Change happens and with kids, at an alarming rate.

You might not have the time or energy to plan that far in advance. But you know who does? You know who has seen it all? Trained it all? Modified it all? A professional who has made it their life’s work, that’s who! Just the same way that you have established a relationship with a veterinarian for your pet and a pediatrician for your child, having a behavior consultant on your team who specializes in dogs and babies and kids is an incredibly proactive way to support your family as transitions and change happen.

Why "It Worked for My Friend's Dog" Doesn't Mean It'll Work for Yours

I know it is super easy to rely on information that is at your fingertips. I know that well meaning family members and friends will offer their advice. Truthfully though, what works for one person or dog may be an abject failure for another. One size most definitely does not fit all when it comes to behavior and individual situations. And I can’t think of anything more individualized than you, your baby, your family and your pet.

Listen new parents, it is 100% ok to search for help. You deserve it afterall. But not all help is created equal and taking soundbites from a social media post as gospel may leave you feeling frustrated, confused and maybe like you failed. It’s not you. It was never you. Maybe it is time to let go of the sound bites and find help that is actually helpful.

An ongoing relationship with a behavioral professional who specializes in family dynamics and the myriad ways in which they ever evolve might be the solution you didn’t know exists.

Here’s to harmony,

MaryKaye

Now What?

Read over the list of questions above. Do some of them generate more questions for you? Are there any points from that list that you’re concerned about? Reach out to a behavior consultant. This list is a great starting place and will help them get a head start on a plan.

PS: Capitalism

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