There are many, many things I love about being an animal trainer and behavior consultant, but my absolute favorite part is that I am constantly learning. Working with pets is one surprise after another, both good and bad.
But there are hard emotional parts, too. One of the things that breaks my heart the most in this profession is when meeting with pet parents whose pet is struggling, and they ask “Is this because I did *insert thing here*?”
Is my dog leash reactive because I let them greet too many dogs/not enough dogs/the wrong dogs? Does my pup have separation anxiety because I left them alone too much/not enough/when they were too young/when they were too old?
We can question ourselves all day, wondering if this event caused that behavior, but the reality is, we may never know what caused our pet to have the behavior issue they have. It could have been a single event, many events, and/or their development during critical periods, including when they are still in utero!
Because we can’t ask our furry friend why men wearing hats upsets them so much, we can only speculate. Instead of beating ourselves up over what could have caused an issue, focus on investigation, getting curious, and what you can do about it! Whether you are on a pet professional learning journey, or a pet parent learning journey, don’t be afraid to acknowledge the mistakes and see what you can learn from them!
Mistakes Happen—Here’s What I Learned from Mine
When I first got my pup Olivia at 10 weeks old, I was not yet a dog trainer or behavior consultant. I knew that was the route I wanted to take, and I studied lots of reputable resources, spoke with other dog professionals, and did all I could to try to prepare myself for raising the perfect dog.
If you’ve read any of my other blogs or seen any of my social media content, you are well aware that my dog, Olivia, has a slew of behavior issues, from leash reactivity to separation anxiety to sound phobia and more. I often think back to choices I made in the first year of Olivia’s life and cringe. I pulled her along on walks because I was frustrated she sniffed so much. I took her outside on the 4th of July to watch the fireworks with me until she panicked and ran to go back inside. I didn’t slowly acclimate her to periods of time alone and would get frustrated when I would put her in her crate during the day and she would cry. The list goes on. I even look back at old video clips and see moments where I point at the screen and go “There! Why didn’t I realize that behavior wasn’t normal? Why didn’t I DO something about it?”
The answer is I WAS doing something about it! It may have not been what I would do now, but I also didn’t have the knowledge and experience that I have now. I was doing the best I could with the information I had at the time. I spoke with my vet, with other trainers, I beefed up my own knowledge with courses and conferences and reading. So when a client says to me “Did I cause this?” my heart always breaks a little.
It is rare that I have ever encountered a person who was not acting with the best intentions for their animal. Instead of analyzing every decision you have ever made for your furry family member, time is better spent by acknowledging that though our actions may (or may not!) have had an impact on our pet’s behavior, we are continuing to learn and work towards bettering their wellbeing.
Learning That “Fine” is a Four-Letter Word
One issue I very frequently run into is that because an animal is capable of executing a behavior, the human counterpart assumes that it must reflect their internal state. For example, because my dog is capable of sitting and watching a dog pass them in close proximity, they are “fine” with dogs being near them. In reality, what we are often seeing is that the dog is shut down, is offering a “performance” of the behavior, or we will see a delay in their signs of discomfort once they are out of the situation.
A shut down dog has become so helpless in the situation that they won’t react to almost anything. And just because a dog can give a behavior when asked, doesn’t mean they are calm emotionally. I have seen dogs be able to sit and watch a dog at a distance while practically vibrating from how overstimulated they are. Or maybe your dog can sit still and act calm while watching a dog pass by, but as soon as you release them, they bolt and “sled-dog” pull you all the way home. In any of these situations, the dog is not emotionally regulated. They are still experiencing huge feelings and are unsure how to cope with it.
I’m familiar with these situations because it’s what I do for a living! I wouldn’t expect a dog parent to recognize these signs, especially when we are conditioned to put our dog’s obedience as the primary focus of training. I sometimes surprise clients when they learn their dog is expressing discomfort in contexts where the humans understood them to be fine. However, now that we know, we can explore how to increase our dog’s sense of security and agency, and therefore create positive behavior change.
Professional Lessons I Learned at Home
As a professional trainer and behavior consultant, I have also made many mistakes. Like any profession, you occasionally are going to get cases that test your abilities and knowledge and cause you to scratch your head. Now I know when I am hitting that point and am able to consult my mentors or refer to a parallel professional like a veterinarian, veterinary behaviorist, or other knowledgeable trainer/consultant.
One thing I am reminded of time and time again is how dogs almost always tell us what they want or need, we just have to learn how to listen. When dealing with Olivia’s leash reactivity, I had to try a lot of different things to find what helped her:
- What equipment was she the most comfortable in?
- What length of leash worked best for her?
- What kind of areas did she prefer to walk and sniff in?
- What places/times of day did walks feel safe and secure?
- What skills did she need to learn to feel safe and secure?
- Did we need to go on a walk every day?
The way I measured the outcomes of these trials was noting how Olivia acted before, during, and after her walks. I wanted to see that she could calmly engage with the environment around her, but still was capable of responding to me when I would ask her to check in. I wanted to see a looser body and less hypervigilance. And I wanted to see that when we returned home, she was able to settle and rest comfortably. If I didn’t see one of these things, I made an adjustment on the next walk. In fact, I’m still making adjustments!
It’s also important to note that there are factors in our dogs’ comfort levels that we won’t be able to directly identify. They may be feeling unwell or they may have slept badly the night before, causing them to have a particularly hard day. The best thing we can do is look at our pup’s body language. This is the loudest way they can tell us what they are feeling. The more we can respond appropriately to our dog’s feelings when they show us, the less likely they are to continue to escalate the undesired behavior.
The Role of Curiosity and Compassion in Moving Forward
When we see our pets performing a behavior we don’t like or understand, the first thing we should do is ask why they are performing the behavior. What is the function? Are they trying to get access to something, or make something go away? Is this a behavior they have done before, or is this a new development?
Next, note down the following:
- What body language are they displaying before, during, and after the behavior?
- What happened in the environment before, during, and after the behavior occurred?
- Is this behavior actually a problem? (That depends on your household, but sometimes what you’re seeing is normal dog behavior!)
- When was the last time your dog went to the vet?
- Many behavior changes can be linked to a medical cause. If your dog is struggling with a new problem behavior, it’s a good idea to consult your vet.
Focus on objective questions and observations. A question like “Is my dog mad?” can’t be answered factually because we can’t ask the dog. A question like “What behavior/body language is my dog showing?” turns the focus to what you can observe. Noting that a dog is growling, barking, lunging, and air snapping is factual and informative.
We use observable data to begin answering the functional questions about behavior. Armed with more information, we can change one piece of the puzzle at a time. Based on your observations, what did you find out? How does that impact what you will try next?
Lessons That Stick: How to Continue Building
I find that when clients have begun to see good progress on the behavior front, they often are fearful of pushing too far and setting back the progress that they have made. We are always looking for a balance between keeping our dogs feeling safe and secure, and continuing to build their resilience and skill application. The truth is, there is no concrete answer to the question of how and when to move on to the next, more challenging step in your dog’s behavior plan. No matter how perfect our timing, how solid the skills we’ve taught, or how exact we have set up the environment, there will always be errors.
So much is out of our control. Dogs will come charging at you from out of thin air, a loud noise will happen right as you are finally getting your dog to potty after the 4th of July, and you will give your dog a treat right as they start barking. Just as we understand that our dogs make mistakes and have big feelings, so should that compassion extend to yourself as a human being who is doing their best. The best we can do is consider the dog in front of us and observe their body language and responses in the environment. I’ve found that once you have good foundational skills on board, our pets are often more forgiving than we think!
Remember, no one is perfect. I remember tugging on Olivia because she wasn’t loose leash walking with me at 14 weeks old! There is no point in obsessing over past mistakes and whether or not they put you where you are today. The only way forward is, well, forward! Reach out to a professional to help you get some outside insight as to what your pet is experiencing and what you can do about it. You will never regret learning more for, with, and about your dog.
Here’s to harmony,
Claire
Now What?
When working through a behavior issue with your pet, make a list of questions you have about the behavior. Even if you don’t yet have all the answers, this will put you on the right track to identifying the function of the behavior and what we can do to help!
Whether it’s a mistake you’ve made or one you’re afraid of making, we’re here to help without judgement! Don’t be afraid to reach out to a trainer or behavior consultant for assistance.
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Results are not guaranteed because behavior, human, canine, or otherwise, are not guaranteeable.
