I never thought a scene from The Notebook would parallel a sentiment between me and my pup…but the amount of times I’ve thought “What do you want?!” as he stares at me slowly wagging his tail while I’m on the couch is…numerous.

Animated GIF from the move The Notebook, a white man with a beard and shaggy hair (Ryan Gosling) saying “What do you want!?”

A normal busy day

One memory from an average day in our household: With lots of comings and goings, we had just finished the hullabaloo of Double Toddler Bedtime. Typically, our pup Opie patiently lounges around the family during storytime, but he knows that post-bedtime is when he gets full access to his parents. Last night was filled with the normal adult duties of never-ending kitchen cleaning and catching up on things we meant to do throughout the day, but we seemed to be taking forever and Opie was growing restless. I myself needed to get a lot of things done that needed my full attention and wasn’t in the headspace to divert it. I also chose a rare place to work–on a high stool in the kitchen. 

As Tony was taking down the dishes and I was clicking away at things I’d rather not have been doing, Opie started barking. It was one of those bark-howl-gruffs with notes of a low grumble “arooooohhhhf” that pairs nicely with a side-eye and a backwards scooting pounce and slow tail wag. At first it seemed geared towards the back window– maybe the neighbor dog who sits on his high balcony crooning to the night had committed one too many barks?  Nope, he’s inside. Opie continued. Another arrroohhhhf and a quick head turn to the front door. Maybe he doesn’t like the outline of the large nutcracker on the porch? Another 5-6 arrooohhhhfs while whale eyeing the world, and I’m realizing his puckered lips aren’t gonna stop because he needs something. 

Some trial and eval

I got down from my stool and tried to engage him in some tug. Nope. I found his coffeewood bone. Nope. I got on all fours and tried my best to get him to do a little rough housing. Nope. I started acting like a buffoon just to get a reaction. Nope. I was stumped and exhausted. My husband scattered some treats to keep Opie occupied while we finished our duties, but it didn’t seem like this was the need that wasn’t being met. What the heck?? He went for a walk two hours ago. He doesn’t want my attention. He found all his hidden dinner vessels proven by the cardboard shrapnel on the floor. He had access to water. He had his normal shreddable time and didn’t want to chew. The outside was quiet and still. WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

Or was the outside quiet and still? With the kitchen clean, Tony decided to try and take Opie around the cul-de-sac to get some of his wiggles out and what do they find in our front yard!? A disassembled coyote dinner that definitely wasn’t there when we got home from his evening walk. After some voracious sniffing, Opie took an unexpected tiny poop in the front yard, sniffed around a bit more, shook off, and came inside and laid down in the spot where he had just been taunting the household.

Could he have known something happened outside and wanted to investigate? Could he have wanted us to interact in a way other than what I tried? Could he have been tired and wanted to kickstart our bedtime routine?  Could he have been uncomfortable with an unusual position of me working on a tall stool in the kitchen while Tony did dishes? Could he have just had to do a little poop?  We’re still honestly not sure, but it’s obvious that whatever was happening, we were not meeting his need. 

Notes for my notebook

So why am I saying this? I’m a dog behavior consultant. I spend the majority of my day thinking about behavior and how to help families find success in their behavior modification journey, and I still get frustrated/annoyed/stumped/inconvenienced/etc when my dog seemingly is out to get me with nuisance behaviors. But in reality, he’s just communicating the best he can with what he’s got, and it’s my responsibility to help arrange the environment to meet his needs. 

That doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to get annoyed or frustrated with things that are annoying and frustrating (because, let’s face it, not knowing what they need, especially when it’s at a time when you’re low on patience, is annoying and frustrating for everyone involved). But this helps me to recenter my reaction and create a plan for the future. 

You better believe I typed this on the couch tonight instead of on that tall kitchen stool…just in case. 

Now What? 

Think about the times when your pup is doing that behavior that is too much for you. Are there any commonalities between the times when it happens? Are there ways you can arrange the environment to make it less likely to happen? Do you know what they want from doing that behavior?

If you’re having trouble knowing if their needs are being met, you can sign up for a free fillable enrichment chart here or you could book a session with one of our consultants!

Here’s to harmony,

Corinne