Why Does My Pet Listen to My Partner and Not Me?

 There are a lot of factors that set the stage for a particular behavior to occur, including age, genetics, learning history, environment, and more. If you change one factor then you’ve set up the stage differently, meaning that the behavior might be different than in another situation. Here’s a human example just in time for Halloween:

• I have never barricaded myself in my house and nailed boards to my windows. 
• If we change one factor- in this case, the environment is now a zombie apocalypse- there’s a very good chance that my barricading behavior will change and that I will indeed nail boards to my windows. A change in environment, whether it’s the external environment around us or an animal’s internal environment (e.g. stress, pain, etc.), is very often a cause for a change in behavior. 

Okay, that might be kind of a silly example though the premise is solid. Let’s look at one that is a little more realistic: resource guarding a credit card. While humans call it “being careful” or “protecting yourself”, we can just as easily call our behavior surrounding keeping our credit card numbers private resource guarding. Here are four different scenarios in which my behavior would change:

• If my husband asked me for my credit card, I would say, “Sure, it’s in the usual place. Use the green one.” I wouldn’t check to make sure that he used the correct one and I likely wouldn’t check to make sure he put it back until I went to use it myself. 
• If a store clerk asked me for my credit card during checkout, I would hand it to them, watch them perform the transaction, and expect to get my card back immediately after. I would likely even double-check that my card is in my wallet after they’ve handed it back. While I would willingly hand my card over in this situation, it’s definitely with a more watchful eye than in the previous scenario. 
• If a stranger stopped me on the street and asked for my credit card, the answer would be no and I would walk away. 
• If a store clerk asked me for my credit card as soon as I entered the store when I was not checking out, the answer would also be no and I would likely leave the store. 

The relationship that I have with the person matters, as does the context in which the behavior is occurring. 

While it’s nicer to think about relationships in the emotional sense, in this case, they’re a part of that “learning history” component. I have a learning history that says that my husband won’t steal from me. I have a learning history that a store clerk will ask me for my card during checkout and they will return it after the transaction is completed. My past experiences are influencing my behavior in all of these situations. 

Now that we know some of the reasons why a pet may behave differently in different situations, let’s take a look at that first scenario listed all the way at the beginning of this post: why does a pet listen to one person and not another?